miércoles, julio 25, 2007

Sexo (a huevo, este titulo llama la atención)

Que onda amiguis friends forever, ya regresé, y aunque les digan que me había raptado el clan trevi-andrade nada que ver estaba haciendo otras cosas que a ustedes les vale verga.

Bueno, para que vean que los quiero mil, voy a hablar de sexo, aunque mi religion musulmana-hindú-jedi no me lo permitan y me tenga que quemar los huevos como castigo, lo haré porque a ustedes los quiero mil.

Pues bueno, he estado leyendo chingo de blogs de viejas que se quejan de que los hombres no sabemos coger y que la meneamos feo y que pinchecontreras es gay y cosas asi, y no mamen mujeres del mundo, osea, es verdad los hombres cogemos aburrido pero deberian estar agradecidas con nosotros porque hacemos nuestro máximo esfuerzo por ver sus ojitos brillar y que de repente hagan ese gemidito que es como sacarse la lotería, nuestra funcion en la naturaleza es basicamente coger e irnos, se supone que es para asegurar la reproducción de la raza humana, no mamen no pueden pedir sexo perfecto, miren a su alrededor en la naturaleza, no existe especie que tenga sexo perfecto.

Por ejemplo los chimpances no mamen, se vienen en 10 segundos (jajaja pendejos!!! yo les gano por 20 segundos!!! losers!!!(es broma, sólo los quería hacer reir)) y pues otro ejemplo son los ositos panda, que a esos cabrones se les para la trona una vez cada año o si es una temporada acá muy cachonda hasta 2 veces al año, los leones que tienen el agasajo de viejas para ellos solos y pues las leonas son como sus putas que le traen comida y se las revienta cada que quiere y le vale verga si la leona quedo satisfecha y hasta creen que despues del sexo ese cabron las abraza y les hace platica y que tal como estuvo tu día? valoro tu esfuerzo por matar a esa zebra y alimentarme, ni madres!!! ese cabron coge y se va!!! por eso es el pinche rey de la selva!!!

Peor es el caso de los peces, esos cabrones si que tienen una mierda de sexo, las hembras ponen sus huevecillos entre las piedras y luego viene el pez macho y tira un lechazo ahi a los huevecillos y a la verga, es como el coito interruptus pero a la inversa, a huevo que los peces siempre estan estresados y de mal humor por su insatisfaccion sexual puesto que nunca frotan sus escamas resbalosas unos con otros. Igual otros que no mames que mierda de vida sexual son las aves, a las hembras les ponen su buena meada cada vez que tienen ganas de coger, que mierda, donde esta la accion? el frote de los cuerpos? el sudor? la fiebre? puros pinches meados.

Ahora que los que si se la maman son los pinches insectos, no no no, no mamen, los machos ahi si se la rifan para coger, ahi si que esos cabrones si saben lo que es buen sexo, nomas que siempre se los comen a los pendejos, como la arañita esa que teje su telaraña poca madre y que luego la toca como un arpa bien fresón el cabrón, y pues a huevo que la araña mujer no puede resistirse a la musica, o sea un cabron que construye su porpio instrumento musical y te trae serenata nada mas para poder ensabanarte, no mames hasta yo me enamoro! y pues bueno obvio exita la araña hembra y se acerca al macho, y el macho cuando la tiene cerca le brinca y se la mete rapidisimo porque la hembra es mas grande y mas fuerte que el y si no se la coge bien o como ella quiere pues la hembra lo mata y se lo come, asi que mejor nomas trata de cogersela como sea y huir, pero la pinche araña hembra es mas poderosa y pues se lo come al pendejo y ya, valio verga todo el teatrito del arpa y la mamada...caso aún mas cabron es el de las mantis religiosas que esas si a wevo se comen la cabeza del macho despues de haber clavado y ahi dejan al pobre mantis degollado y con la verga parada, no mamen, pinches ingratas...ven? no mamen, de que se quejan?, veo que hacen sus listas de como hacerle el amor a una mujer correctamente y a la verga!!! pinches manuales kilometricos como si todas ustedes cogieran chingon, es mas facil utilizar un reactor nuclear o un acelerador de particulas que darles sacarlas con su gusto!!! la neta, ustedes tambien no son las super estrellas del arte de coger y lo mas culero es que dice en ese manual:

23.- No digan cosas o frases como en peliculas porno, ustedes no son actores porno!!!!.

Weputa!!! cuando menos decimos lo que queremos y no lo escribimos en un blog, porque quizas no se han dado cuenta, pero nosotros NO LEEMOS LA MENTE, claro habemos hombres como yo con mirada profunda y seductora, y pareciera que lo hacemos pero, repito, NO LEEMOS LA MENTE, es mas ni los superheroes mas poderosos como superman, goku, leon-o o papá pitufo leen la mente...en lugar de estar escribiendo sus manuales de como hacerselo a una mujer, coño que lo digan, asi nos evitamos mil pedos y todos nos venimos y quedamos felices y contentos.

Recuerden que nuestra funcion en la naturaleza es la de depositar nuestra semilla y que nuestra raza se multiplique, asi lo decidió la madre naturaleza (que por cierto es mujer!!!), y como dice la biblia en el génesis:18 salmo 32 cuando diosito creó al hombre dijo: "Hombres del mundo, coged, bebed y ver el futbol. Reproducíos!". Asi que nosotros solo tratamos de cumplir con los objetivos que la ley natural nos encargó, claro algunos la entienden al reves y pues se vuelven putos, pero pues deben agradecernos el intentar decifrar lo que ustedes quieren y NO dicen, y pues vean mas porno porque igual no son las masters en lo de la clavada, se quejan y nunca se han puesto a pensar si ustedes clavan sabroso?...A la hora de la cogienda digan que onda, como lo quieren, que si suave, que si duro, que si doblada, que si con arenita pa´que raspe, o con vapo-rub pa´que arda, no sé...La jugada del sexo es la comunicación. El sexo es sucio, sólo cuando se hace bien decía Woody "Pervert Nerd" Allen.

Ahora si, vayanse todos a coger, largo!

Para que vean que soy buenisima onda, abro una promoción por tiempo limitado (del 25 de julio de 2007 al 25 de julio del 3089) y que todas las mujeres que tengan deseos sexuales reprimidos y que quieran practicarlos, ofrezco mi cuerpo para que puedan descargar toda esa presión y que sean felices por siempre jamás. Para acceder a esta sùper promoción manden un mail a sepalagaver@hotmail.com con una foto de cuerpo entero, nombre, direccion y telefono. (abstenganse gordas, feas, gays, operados, viejitas, viejitos, transexuales y traileros fortachones que en realidad son putos)

*Todos los datos del comportamiento sexual de los animalitos fueron recabados de discovery channel y supervisados por Steve Irwing.
**No me cogí a ningún animal, ni osito panda ni mantis religiosa para redactar este artículo.


Gracias, querido publico.

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